Guerrilla Lectures

Note - This entry has been revised. Part of the initial purpose of this blog was to help me complete my thesis, and to document that process. Anyone who has written a thesis knows the process will make you crazy (particularly if, like me, you are essentially a disorganized person with disorganized thoughts). Some of the entries in this blog reflect the temporary insanity finishing my degree created (required?). I am revisiting these early entries so I don't spend too much time duplicating material. In the process I will edit, pare, and clarify.

Sometimes writing comes as naturally to me as falling down; other times it isn't quite that easy. I have difficulties when I don't know what the tone is supposed to be.
I began writing my thesis long-hand - I bought an exquisite pen to write with and was off like a shot. Writing long-hand has the tremendous advantage of slowness. While typing I reach the end of the sentence long before I have formulated the next one. Consequently, I end up feeling stupid. Long-hand, however, takes FOREVER. I can compose two of three sentences in my head long before my hand gets close to them. And that makes me feel smart. The problem comes in that I forget what I have already written and, since it is gone as soon as the page is turned, I wind up repeating myself.
My solution was buy a digital recorder and speak my essays as if to someone else. How clever.
And it actually worked.
Then it occurred to me I might as well actually speak them to other people instead of just into my recorder. Thus was born the guerrilla lecture. I wouldn't post a time or place - just tell a few people along with instructions to pass the info along to others they think might be interested.  
The first attempt was terrifying but ultimately successful. I believe formal education works best when it is informal. Students can learn just as much from other students as from professors. But, in the hours before my impromptu performance, I suffered more self-doubt and self-recrimination than in the rest of my education combined. The idea was not motivated by arrogance but seemed tremendously arrogant. I have learned a lot about the topic and enjoy talking about it. If there was an existing tradition of such performances I would have been fine. But there wasn't. I was going to be the first and I felt foolish.
 Anyway. It went well and turned into a nicely paced essay in a tone I am happy with. Buoyed by the success of the first, I attempted a very difficult topic for the second and it didn't turn out as well. The material is okay but it is more than enough for three separate essays. Now I have to separate it and spend the day trying to compose one new one.
It will help if I add my current schedule is a new, complete, thesis-worthy essay every Friday for the next ten weeks.